Yesterday, after several weeks of missing them, I met with my two girls. Not my girl’s, but God’s girl’s. Two girl’s I chose, with divine appointment, to enter deeper into His presence by studying, reading, and actively pursuing the word of God and it’s application as a human person. Discipleship. Not the first time I’ve done it. A new season.
Ironically enough, the study guide I chose for us to work on this summer is entitled, “A Daughter’s Worth” by Ava Sturgeon. I wanted to work on Joyce Meyer’s “Battlefield of the Mind for Teens” but, this other book somehow elevated itself in the last minute ordering, well over a month ago. I selected this for the girl’s and now here I am wondering if it was actually chosen for me. Ha. I see what you did there, Jesus. Clever.
With my latest state of mind, and the ever-increasing shadows I find inside of me, I wasn’t sure that I was the right person for this job. I wrestled with it. “I do believe! Please help me with my disbelief!” (Mark Chapter 9) I pray words written in His book. Still no words of my own at times.
Instead of starting this series, the books happened to be stuck in a car in Boise – surely by His design- so, I chose to just to get real. Not too real, but real. We did our usual start, prayer, a chapter of the New Testament, journaling… and then, I shared my heart.
Basically, I just cried.
I told the girls a few of my specific struggles and my confusion about God as my “Abba” Father, my provider, and my healer. I shared how tired and how much pain I was in. I confessed that I didn’t want to screw them up or cause them to stumble. And, finally, I asked them for help.
They both insisted that I wouldn’t mess them up. Ye of little faith. One shared that when she thought, “Christian,” she thought of me. Oh mercy. Let’s lower the bar, here, sister. No pressure, right?
They each offered encouragement. “Don’t give up. God still cares about you. Don’t give up on Him.”
And the other, “This sounds like Job and God restored everything to Him, like, double.”
As a mother, I have found one of the safest places to be is wrapped in an embrace with my children. Their innocent hugs come without judgement, no other motives, and no pain – unless Tate is running toward you, then you naturally post a defensive position to receive her fierce love. God’s arms.
As a mentor of two beautiful young ladies, I see how God has also provided me the seat of a student. God’s extension of love and wisdom. In the presence of two innocent minds full of wonder, love, and awe of God, it is hard not to be refreshed with their hope.