In my former post “Switch On, Switch Off”  last week, I reported about a book I stumbled upon that helps detoxify patterns of thinking that are unhealthy and damaging.  I chose to specifically help myself from thinking negatively.  Any negative thought.  I have to admit, I have missed a few days of meditation.  Not on purpose, just busy days and not enough discipline to quiet myself, I suppose.  However, I have done it enough to note that there is a new awareness in my mind of thinking negatively.  It’s almost like when my kids were littles and they weren’t allowed to say the word, “stupid.”  Every time they heard it, lighting bolts went off in their eyes even if it wasn’t used in an offensive way to hurt a person,  “Mommy, so and so said their cell phone was stupid.”

I can sense my brain getting a little more red flaggy when I start the negative thinkin’ roller coaster.  I have had plenty of moments when I could have gone downhill fast and though I was struck down a few times in the last week, I was not defeated or crushed.  A little bruised and certainly a little disheveled, but the path of negativity and depression didn’t overwhelm my soul to the extremes I have allowed it before.

Of course when we are trying to learn something new to make ourselves improved servants of God, the enemy will attack.  There have absolutely been challenges where it is easier to say, “I’m a bad mom” or “I am a bad wife” rather than uphold my quest to conquer the gross thoughts.  However, the bouncing back periods have been getting shorter and I’ve been more buoyant.

I would also say that my therapist appreciated the idea of writing in this process because you get to see patterns you wouldn’t otherwise notice.  One thing I have seen in myself, is that when I get overwhelmed – and it doesn’t take nearly as much as it used to – the negativity tends to come out more.  I have started the process of breaking down the busy’ness of the day’s ‘to do’ lists, the chores, the being tired, and sense that taking breaks to breathe and call upon the Lord to help me through the feelings of “I can’t do this” are my next steps when this thought occurs.  I think the daily fatigue of MS, coupled with busy kids, a messy house, the busiest season at the flower shop, and the regular complications of life get the best of me.  I am going to choose to learn a new way to fight the battle in my mind in a healthy way.  I have a choice in this attitude, depression, and anxiety.  I can do something.

I think it is helpful to go back and read through the book “Switch on Your Brain:  The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” just to sort through the big concepts as you work the process.  I do believe this plan has a viable theory to help people who want to help themselves to heal and to live in righteousness and accordance to God’s will.