The thing about me, is that everyone gets sick of me. Sooner or later. Everyone has their fill. And, I try. I have tried. I have tried to get better. The void just won’t fill, though. The pain just keeps paining. You want to believe they will choose you, they will miss you, they will want you. But, they never do. And, you can only go on so much with them telling you that you are bad. That you can’t handle life. That you let everything hurt you. You never get better enough quick enough and then you realize you really are all on your own. Nobody to fight for you. Nobody to choose you first. Just you and the Savior. The only one who would ever choose you wholly and completely. And it is humbling and hard and you’re thankful, but also so desperate for someone else to see that you have worth.
You don’t know how to be right. And life just keeps going. And the broken heart just gets broken’er. Ha.
The things I wish I could hear the most and believe right now:
“You have done a great job with the cards you have been given.”
“You make the world a better place.”
“I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
-That I am loved.
-That someone on earth would choose me first.
-That what I say matters.
-That my feelings are real, validated, and so I can process and let go of the pain.